As anybody who reads this blog knows, I put kangaroos in many of my motion problems. My post, entitled Beastiality, is the number 2 read post behind How Do Teachers Get Paid?. In the version of the test today, my pet kangaroo had to grab hit favorite from a tree. This is the letter I got on one test:
“How is he supposed to get it down w/0 hands? And where would you get a pet kangaroo anyway? You couldn’t get it through customs. I hope you have a HUGE backyard, since your pet is going to need a LOT of room to run around. Do you even know how to take care of a kangaroo? I mean, it’s not like you can go to Petco or wherever and say ‘Hey. Give me some kangaroo chow’ or something. And since you clearly don’t care enough about your pet to go get his toy for him – with a ladder or something – I am beginning to question your ability to care for another creature. I don’t know, Mr. ____. I feel like you didn’t really think this one through.”
This might be the longest note I’ve ever received on a test or quiz where the answer was actually right.
This is what three students are saying RIGHT NOW:
“I just got pimp-slapped. She pimp-slapped me!”
“You gotta keep your pimp hand strong, man.”
“She had a staple in her hand and she pimp-slapped me. That’s assault with a deadly weapon!”
These are two of the whitest students ever, by the way.
The schedule I have this year is, by far, the worst one I’ve had in 4 years. It is not conducive to doing work. Now, before I get too far ahead, let me say that I know it’s my fault. I’m a huge procrastinator (should I do work? nah I’ll write in my blog!) and it takes quite a bit for me to jump into a stack of 80 labs. But I have been pretty good so far at keeping up.
This year my planning (aka “off”) periods come at the beginning and end of the day. So one day I’m sitting here half asleep, trying to wake myself up, drinking coffee, and staring at stacks of papers. The next day I’m sitting at my desk after teaching 3 consecutive block periods (90 min), worn out and thinking about how I have time tomorrow morning to grade! Days like today are the worst. It’s Friday afternoon. I have last period off. I WANT TO LEAVE. I’m going to tackle about 10 labs before I leave today. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself right now.
Random side story:
This morning I was showing one of my classes a video called Kaboom! They love it because it shows a ton of explosions. One guy actually makes flour explode. Pretty cool. Anyway, while they’re watching quietly, I have the time to buy movie tickets for tonight. If anybody has bought movie tickets from moviefone.com you know what’s coming next. With my volume all the way up, the stupid computer yells, “THANK YOU FOR YOUR PURCHASE. CLICK BELOW…” That’s when I hit the mute button. So now 20 kids are staring at me. “What did you buy? What are you going to see? WHO are you going with?” Apparently “a friend” is not an acceptable answer. Good thing they all have ADD. Look! An explosion!
I’m wondering: are the schools are giving in or getting modern. The school policy is that students may not have electronic devices in class. But the hallways are fair game. This is a change from last year when no electronic devices were allowed at all. In fact, if I saw a cell phone or iPod in the hall, I could confiscate it. Now they are allowed to listen to music or text or call people, as long as it’s not during class. I think that’s a positive.
However, walking through the hallways, I notice many students in class, doing work, and listening to music. I admit, I allow it if they’re working hard. They definitely become more quiet and do their work. It’s as if they go into their own little world. Is this wrong? I remember when I was growing up, the joke was that we’d go home and do our homework while watching TV, listening to the radio, talking on the phone and chatting on AIM. It’s pretty much the same thing now, except they do all of that with their iPhone instead of needing 6 different devices. Are we training them to be permanently distracted or are we just giving in to teenagers?
It turns out that breaking one letter on my keyboard resulted in getting an entirely new keyboard. That’s a good thing because this computer was last used by a teacher who allowed his/her golden retriever to sleep on it. Now it’s clean! So I’m thinking, maybe my entire computer breaks along with the 6-year-old LCD projector, my desk chair and a couple of students. I wonder how fast we can replace all this.
In other random complains, I’ve noticed a trend in the media lately. It really irks me. The mainstream media now complains about stories that it reports on, claiming the story won’t go away. I was watching the local Fox channel the other day and they lead with this: “The story that just won’t go away! What the ‘Balloon Boy’ said on TV.”
If they want it to go away, don’t report on it. Story dead.
They do this with every unnecessary story now. “It just won’t die! But you demand it! So we’ll comply! Sorry! But not really!”
The highlight of the morning so far: One of my students farted up front of the classroom. It smelled so bad that a whole bunch of students had to stand in the hallway for 3 minutes until it cleared up. It was really bad. So bad that I couldn’t just ignore it and tell them to behave.
Sillier thing: “Farted” came up on spell check and it wanted to change it to “farmed”. So then it would read: One of my students farmed up front of the classroom. Not the same thing.
Maybe I have a pre-existing condition?
Many years ago (maybe I was a teenager? I can’t really remember) I had strep throat. I took medication and it went away. Then it came back and my right tonsil blew up. And stayed that way. Every once in a while it gets worse and it hurts. The last few days it’s been sore and swollen. So I did the only thing I can think of. I drank some good bourbon. It burned a little back there and this morning it doesn’t hurt anymore.
Moral of the story? A bourbon a day keeps the doctor away? Or maybe I should offer public health care at a cheaper price. Here’s an apple and a shot of whiskey. That’ll be $300 please.
Random side note: I broke my ‘L’ button.
I would’ve thought that changing schools would’ve been a huge deal. I mean, I was at the other school for 3 years. I had friends there. I knew where things were and how things were run.
The reason I left was because I didn’t like the way things were or how they were run. In fact, most times I didn’t think the school was being run at all. I guess the parents were running it if anybody was. All this is to say that I’m happy here. There are shortcomings. I have no clue where anything is/who anybody is. Instead of having one classroom all to myself, I have to use two classrooms.
Somehow, the students are much nicer here. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s eerie. They tend to listen. I’d love to attribute it to my amazing classroom management skills, but, alas, I’m pretty sure it isn’t anything I’ve done differently. So I take back anything bad I’ve ever said about students*.
We had to proctor PSATs the other day. I did my best Ben Stein-from-Ferris-Bueller impersonation while reading the instructions. For a while. Then I did my MicroMachines speed reading thing. I like to change it up. It breaks the monotony of standing in that classroom for 3 hours. There are some days when I love teaching. Proctoring state/national exams is not one of those days. And then they make us read to the students how they are not allowed to talk about test after it’s done. My students couldn’t even remember what the questions were on the 3 question quiz I gave them today. I just can’t imagine a scenario where they text their friend in Alaska “#47 on Critical Reading is C”
*Totally not true…I haven’t gone soft.
PS: We aren’t getting raises again next year! Isn’t that wonderful?
