New School, Same Life

I would’ve thought that changing schools would’ve been a huge deal.  I mean, I was at the other school for 3 years.  I had friends there.  I knew where things were and how things were run.

The reason I left was because I didn’t like the way things were or how they were run.  In fact, most times I didn’t think the school was being run at all.  I guess the parents were running it if anybody was.  All this is to say that I’m happy here.  There are shortcomings.  I have no clue where anything is/who anybody is.  Instead of having one classroom all to myself, I have to use two classrooms.

Somehow, the students are much nicer here.  I’m not sure what it is, but it’s eerie.  They tend to listen.  I’d love to attribute it to my amazing classroom management skills, but, alas, I’m pretty sure it isn’t anything I’ve done differently.  So I take back anything bad I’ve ever said about students*.

We had to proctor PSATs the other day.  I did my best Ben Stein-from-Ferris-Bueller impersonation while reading the instructions.  For a while.  Then I did my MicroMachines speed reading thing.  I like to change it up.  It breaks the monotony of standing in that classroom for 3 hours.  There are some days when I love teaching.  Proctoring state/national exams is not one of those days.  And then they make us read to the students how they are not allowed to talk about test after it’s done.  My students couldn’t even remember what the questions were on the 3 question quiz I gave them today.  I just can’t imagine a scenario where they text their friend in Alaska “#47 on Critical Reading is C”

*Totally not true…I haven’t gone soft.

PS: We aren’t getting raises again next year!  Isn’t that wonderful?

Thank You Letter

There are officially two weeks left of the school year.  I did receive word that I’ll be doing summer school (don’t know if I’ve mentioned that yet) but my time at this school is officially coming to a close.  Seniors started their finals yesterday and underclass finals start next Thursday.  And, in the meantime, I’ve given up fighting with students to listen.  Some classes are sitting quietly and listening to the review I’m giving them.  Others are ignoring me.  And in those cases I’m just giving them problems to work on and ignoring them mostly.  It works for everybody!  They aren’t being malicious, just ready to finish.  Me too!

Now for two letters.  The first is a petition signed by my entire 3rd period class.  It reads thusly:

“Dear Mr. ________!!  This petition is in regards to that disturbing test we took two classes ago, in which the results seemed to have ripped out the hearts of most students in this classroom!!!  Because we haven’t been provided with the option of extra credit this quarter, we are asking you to give us the opportunity of doing TEST CORRECTIONS!!!!  If you compromise with us we will respond by crowning you the ultimate coolest, most awesome teacher in the universe!!  It’s a real good offer _____ (they use my first name) : ) pwetttty plz!!!!! : )”

It was then signed by the entire class.

My response is that, of course, I’m already the ultimate coolest, most awesome teacher, so no test corrections.

Then there’s a letter from a student entitled “What I would write in your yearbook”

“Thank you for putting up with us, Mr. _____.  Through all the adoption papers, legal documents, blogs, petitions and awkward jokes after school – well, I’m surprised you haven’t involved the authorities.  I hope you enjoy the Grand Finale.  If you ever forget about us, I will be severely disappointed.  You were the first teacher we ever showed our extreme weirdness to.  I’m glad you never ran away screaming – especially after the “take it like a man” comment I made…and the mother’s day gift…and the family album.  [This school] is the most moronic school in the universe for letting you go.  I feel so sorry for those stupid sophomores.  We will miss you so much!  Please don’t be surprised when we harass you on facebook and don’t forget to feed the family vampire.  Also search “rabbid [sic] grannies” on youtube.  It’s amazing.  PS I’m mad at you for saying unicorns aren’t real.”

I told them unicorns weren’t real.  To which they replied, “of course they are.  Voldemort killed one to stay alive.”

Of course.

Teacher Twitter

Sitting here with one student.

Wow, that was so exciting.  I hope you all appreciate my short status message.  I mention this after Monday night’s Daily Show segment about Senators and Congressmen using Twitter during Obama’s speech the other night.  Instead of paying attention to the address, they were busy putting up stupid messages on Twitter.

I have to confess that, although I’m not even close to a technophobe, I am very much against having new technology just because it’s new.  Technology for technologies sake….which happens to the be the motto of my school.  It’s new!  Let’s buy it and tell everyone we have it!  And then the teachers don’t use whatever-it-is because it doesn’t have practical use in a classroom.  More on this later.

Ok, not a technophobe.  But I resisted a cell phone in 2001 because, really, who was I calling?  But I embraced flat screen TVs.  And cable internet connections.  But not phones with QWERTY keyboards.  Or cameras really.  I have a digital camera to take pictures.  Myspace?  No.  Facebook?  Yes, but I’m not on it 24-7.  And I don’t update my status ever.  iTouch?  I can’t think of any recent time where I wished I had music and internet access at the same time and didn’t actually have it.

The point being, why do we need to write down little bits of thought for the world to see?  And who subscribes to these things?  I wouldn’t even care to subscribe to my girlfriend’s twitter (if she had one).  But, old people in Congress have decided that the YOUNG PEOPLE LIKE TWITTER so we will use it because it’s cool and then they’ll vote for me because I use Twitter and they use Twitter and we relate so vote for me because we think the same and I represent you and vote for me please don’t forget to vote.

But these Congressmen that don’t pay attention to what they’re supposed to…they have assistants to tell them what it was all about.  They have staff that writes speeches for them and basically does all the dirty work.  My students, on the other hand, do not have these things.  But they are all on their phones all day long.  They pay attention to very little.  It’s amazing, really.  It’s not even an attention span issue.  At any moment, probably half my students are using their cell phones.  It’s not allowed. So I’ll ask the one or two that I catch to put it away.  If I see it again, I take it.  Fair enough, so I have the time to warn a couple kids about using their phones.  Maybe take one.  But if I decided to take up that fight, I’d never get to teaching.  They don’t even care about losing their phones.  Their parents come after school to pick it up and give it right back to them.  No repercussions.  So they don’t pay attention.  And they don’t listen to me.  And they do poorly on quizzes and tests and claim that I “never went over this” (italics indicate whiny voices) even though I gave an example problem RIGHT BEFORE THE STUPID TEST THAT WAS EXACTLY LIKE THAT PROBLEM.  So, yeah, they don’t pay attention.  And they are vindicated because they aren’t the only ones.  Hey, if a Senator doesn’t listen to the President, why should I listen to you?

My other favorite excuse, and this is true, is this: “But I was texting another teacher!” or “But I was texting the assistant principal, he told me to!”  I swear, my only response to this is WTF.  I don’t care.  I don’t care who told you to text them, if it’s in my class it’s not allowed.  But how am I supposed to reinforce this idea if they are texting other teachers or part of the administration???  Too ridiculous.

Lastly, having to do with technology for technologies sake.  Apparently Apple is doing a promotion where certain schools will be picked to receive iTouches for every student.  Our assistant principal thinks this is a great idea.  Why?  Because it’s another piece of electronics that he can tell everybody we have.  What in the world would every student need an iTouch for, besides to have a principal approved reason not to pay attention to the teacher.  But, of course, it’s our fault if the kid fails a test.  Because we’re not doing our job.  Our ever-increasingly impossible job.

Are We There Yet?

March:  The toughest month of the school year.

I’m serious.  Don’t you remember?  This is the only month of the school year with no days off. The threat of bad weather is pretty much gone.  I’ve had the same students for six months now.  We’re sick of each other.  April brings spring break.  May has all sorts of testing and Memorial Day.  June has the end of the school year!  March just has cold weather and school (although March Madness and Spring Training are good things).

I mention this in reference to classroom management.  Dealing with students is a tricky thing.  Some teachers are disciplinarians.  Some are completely laid back.  I fall in the middle.  I rely on my students wanting to behave in my class and then disciplining if necessary.  One reason for this is that it takes quite a bit to make me angry.  I understand they are teenagers and I understand they are juvenile, fragile and confused.  I laugh at most things that would make other teachers really really angry.  My classroom management style also depends greatly on the students that happen to be in any given class.  If I only have a couple of students that want to be obnoxious, then I can separate them and deal with each individually.  Depending on the class, this works just fine.  Four out of five of my classes fall into this category.  I never have to yell, never have to punish.  I just need to remind them to keep quiet every once in a while.  Teaching is easy!

And then there’s my other class.  This class has, and I’m counting in my head now, at least ten out of thirty that just want to disregard me and talk.  This is a big problem, because I can’t separate ten people.  The room isn’t big enough.  So I let a little go on.  So what if they don’t pay close attention, it’s their lose.  Well, you know what they say: Give an inch, take a mile.  It’s the rule, not the exception, in high school.  I find myself in a conundrum.  Do I try to reestablish control in March or do I just live with it for 3 1/2 more months?  Trying to get back some semblance of order is difficult.  The students rebel.  They test you to see if you’re serious.  Somebody’s gonna have to get in trouble to show you’re serious.  Letting it slide is easier, but the class is such a headache.  Nothing gets done.  I spend more time shutting them up than teaching.

Last week I decided to regain control.  I’d had enough of it.  What happened?  One day of attention.  Then, I had to pull one kid aside and tell him he’s going to fail for the year unless he gets it together, one got a 6 am morning detention and I had to keep a straight face when some student said something hilarious (I’d write it here if I remembered what it was).  All in all, last week was a success.  Now the hard part:  I have to keep it up.  I have to call parents if necessary.  I have to continue to be kind of a jerk.  But maybe they’ll actually learn something for a change.

Music:  “Shotgun Rider” by Bachman Turner Overdrive on Freeways.  I’ve got this on vinyl straight from 1977.  I find it amusing that the sleeve says the album is also available on “musicassette”.  I assume that’s the real word for cassette tape?